My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
