I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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