Don't make out with my wife yet
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
