I just threw up on my dentist
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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