if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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