Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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