Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
