hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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