my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
