I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
