Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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