The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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