He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
