he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
