Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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