are you so shy because you have an std?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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