she woke up with a sticky ear
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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