I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
