I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
