that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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