I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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