You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
