my soul wont recognize me after tonight
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
