i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
