I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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