I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Still dying that you shit outside
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
