you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
