Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Liz is crying about burritos again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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