I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You work out of a Hotel?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
