so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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