When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
