My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
