Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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