best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
