You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
