My cat gives me a boner
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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