I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
