i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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