i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
