I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
