Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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