Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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