1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
