Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
