Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
