Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A bitchslap is in order.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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