The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
