I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
