I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
