beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
