I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What a dumb baby whore.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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