she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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