I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
