her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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