Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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