He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
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So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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