My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
