that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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